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The perils of E-Queries
In the wake of Spring Fling and the response I received from Editor A and Editor X, I prepared Submission A and Submission X for their electronic journey. It ain’t as easy as it sounds. Not through any fault of the submission guidelines, which are unique for each publisher. No, I wrote down all the particulars, renamed files, checked everything twice -
It’s the human factor. And Yahoo. And the submission gremlin. Yes, I’m convinced there is a furry, illiterate gremlin who intentionally messes with the transmission of query letters, synopses, and full manuscripts. Maybe he’s ashamed of not being able to read. Maybe Nora Roberts shut him out of the blizzard of ‘79 (unintentional, I’m sure.) Whatever his reason, he fattened my fingers to hit the wrong keys, or maybe retyped them mid-transmission.
Submission A
Query reformatted. Check. Synopsis embedded in email. Check. Send button pushed. Check.
Fast forward a few hours when I notice a “MailDaemon” in my spam filter. What the heck? Seems I (or Gus the Gremlin) typed Query@ABCPublisher instead of QueryUS@ABCPublisher.
Submission A resent.  I assume it’s sitting in an electronic slush pile waiting for the editor to drool over it.
Submission X
Query reformatted. Check. Wait! What button did you push? Aaargh. Yahoo ate my letter. Without attachments. Publisher X is going to think I’m a guideline idiot.
Round 2. Attachments. Query. Then I add the address. Editor@XYZPublising.
Did you catch it? I left the “H” out of publishing.
Round 3. Perfect, perfect, perfect. Query with attachments sent to the right address.
No nice auto responder thanking me for my submission. Are they mad? Did their computer cut me off after one?
Time passes.
Twenty-four hours later, XYZ publisher forwards my query (no attachments) back to me. No “thank you.” No “It’s not for us.” No, “We didn’t love it enough.” Just my query forwarded back to me.
Is it there? Will they call? Will they send a “no, thank you” letter in 12-14 weeks?
Only the gremlin knows.

Oh, for the good old days. . .

when you had to print out everything. Make sure no pages were missing or duplicated. Stick colored paper between the query letter, synopsis, and manuscript. Search the house for rubber bands. And a box. Wrap it in brown paper. Type up a SASE. Find a stamp. Trek to the post office, stand in line, mail off the thing. So much simpler.
Take care and avoid the gremlin.
I’ll be back Wednesday when we’ll compare writing and gardening. (Fwuh?)
Cheryl

Tongue firmly in cheek, here’s our list of events that MIGHT happen in 2010.  Naw, probably not.

In preparation for shutting down her show, Oprah Winfrey discontinues her book club.  Amazon sales plummet 15%.  Books on Board teeters on bankruptcy.

Alien robots land in Maryland to pick up prolific writer Nora Roberts, claiming they accidentally left her behind in 1979.

A certain romance author association continues to bury its collective head in the sand regarding ebook publishing by issuing a contract on the life of internet founder, Al Gore.

The sequel to Sarah Palin’s “Rogue Warrior”, “Rogue Maverick” tops Amazon’s charts.  Books on Board emerges from Chapter 7 bankruptcy.  Five hundred copies mis-titled “Rouge Maverick” provoke bidding wars on Ebay.

Johnny Depp signs on for the lead in the cinematic epic, “Book Pirates of the Internet.”

April 1 – New York publishers issue a united press release, vowing to end book returns for store credit, and promising sweeping bookkeeping practices that will provide accurate, timely sales figures to authors as well as quarterly issuance of royalty checks.  Oh, and the slush pile is replaced by a fair, electronic filtering device.

April 2 – New York publishers claim the previous day’s press release as a viral internet hoax.  They will continue business as usual because, really, there’s nothing wrong with it.

Apple rolls out its ebook reader, the Tablet.  Wait, that one might be true.

Seriously, have a great 2010. May all your writing dreams come true.

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